unraptured-light

gifs

2012-02-04T17:06:00.003+08:00

going a bit kerazy making gifs. i would assume it's due to the overdose of chemistry and math. thank god the weekend is here, and that the worst of the tests are over.

2012-01-29T20:29:00.004+08:00

next time i'll be braver

i'll be my own savior

standing on my own two feet

_

2012-01-26T21:32:00.001+08:00

slept in today, went to school at 10:20, whooops.
i was brave today, i am proud :')
can't wait for the week to end, just ONE more day of school, thank God.

wish i was on holiday, lying on the beach with a glass of pink lemonade in hand and you by my side. D R E A M S (which never come true)

water dragons

2012-01-24T01:57:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR ^^

6 points, HUAAAAAT AH.

2012-01-19T22:05:00.001+08:00

***********************

2012-01-19T22:00:00.001+08:00

mid january, how time flies. i'm not sure if it was a great start to the year or a rough one, still undecided. nonetheless, i am thankful, for both the good and the bad. still learning how to bend without the world caving in, painful but necessary. oh how i love weekends, crazy how i look forward to them, how precious. i've been extremely happy on some days, and extremely sad on others, till the point that happy or sad becomes an understatement. what is wrong?

pardon me, i know the sentences have absolutely no link at all. brain not processing my thoughts, as usual.

BA

2011-12-30T15:01:00.002+08:00

my recent obsession with Boyce Avenue's covers. they are amazing.

In Our Darkest Hour
In My Deepest Despair
Will You Still Care?
Will You Be There?
In My Trials
And My Tribulations
Through Our Doubts
And Frustrations
In My Violence
In My Turbulence
Through My Fear
And My Confessions
In My Anguish And My Pain
Through My Joy And My Sorrow
In The Promise Of Another Tomorrow
I'll Never Let You Part
For You're Always In My Heart.

:')

2011-12-25T15:48:00.005+08:00

merry christmas everybody ^^

it's the most beautiful time of the year, lights fill the streets spreading so much cheer.

spent my christmas weekend with friends from church, Sentosa & Christmas service.

Thank God for family.

'

2011-12-20T22:22:00.000+08:00

back from camp, sad that i had to leave early :( nonetheless, it was a great 4 days, absolutely loved my group and my co-leaders, wish i could have had more time with them. back from the states, glad to be back home, definitely. Went to Frisco, Vegas and LA. They were pretty cool, cept that I was homesick, so all I wanted to do was come home. Shopping was good tho, dirt cheap (Y)

Now that I'm back, I'm expected to study. I know I should, it's just that i wish everyone would stop nagging at me too. My dad treats me like i'm 12, he needs to learn how to let go, i mean, i'm turning 16 in like 2 weeks, and he still treats me like a kid, #areyouseriousbro. Meh whatever.

Lying on my bed listening to Justin's christmas album, 5 days to Christmas. And baby, all i want for Christmas is you ;)

;_;

2011-11-20T23:21:00.001+08:00

I am so so so so so confused right now. Someone said to me today, "It's one of those days, when you're just feeling blue." I feel exactly like that right now. Just way worse than 'blue'. All I wanna do is hide under the covers and space out. The cruelest lies are often told in silence. Why him, why me.

Incredible!ndia

2011-11-19T00:15:00.001+08:00

I'M BACK FROM INDIA.

It was really fun, had fun with 22 other buds :') wouldn't trade any of these memories or this experience for anything. India is such a beautiful country, its a pity there's such a great disparity between the rich and the poor. Really thankful to God for all that he has done during this trip (Y) I have to admit I ate a lot, waaaaaay too much for my own good. Now it's time to burn off all those calories /: ROCs was a great start to the holiday! I'm pretty excited for the rest of the holiday, kydz camp next week, JYC camp on the following week and then TA-DAAAH family holiday to the States, excites *\o/* I need to start studying, i have so much to catch up on. i have to do well next year or GG to my future :O its pretty scary, just thinking about it. I wonder why time is passing so quickly. I'm turning 16 in less than 2 months, don't even know if that's a good thing or not. but whatever it is, GONNA SLEEP ALL DAY AND PARTY ALL NIGHT.

you've got me hypnotized

2011-11-09T00:48:00.001+08:00

Heartbeats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this
One step closer

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

*

2011-11-03T00:38:00.001+08:00

Lots of interesting things happened in the past 2 weeks or so, still thinking about them. Sports Day, PB camp, LTC, Funfair and Dad's birthday. October has been great :') Things did not always go as planned, but how interesting can life be if everything was perfect right? Had my fair share of struggles, still struggling but life is good. Heading to Delhi next friday, not looking forward to that :( Potluck with the sec3s+leaders this saturday, definitely looking forward to that (Y) to the month ahead, imma be your baus ;)

2011-10-19T22:31:00.002+08:00

heartache, heartbreak. no words to describe how i feel now, just crying.

2011-10-15T01:50:00.000+08:00

read this on iggy's blog, and i'm amazed, blown away, whichever way you wanna put it.

But love is only fully love when we love for absolutely no reason. Because love is real when there is no motive. It's radical. There isn't a reason to love, love is the reason.

So I don't need to feel anybody loving me, but I can and will still love. Because that's what love is.

I believe that life needs a good balance in order to work. So God is the scale upon which all measurements, comparisons and decisions/judgements are made. Because He's pure and just. I've decided that He will be the basis of comparison for all things I have to weigh and consider. Only then will I be able to achieve true balance in my life.

Deep.
Literally.

One word: choice. Go figure. (:

=

2011-10-15T01:38:00.002+08:00

Exams are over! was at first a "YAY OMG FINALLY FREEDOM" but now its more of a "oh dayuuum i'm so bored i wish i was still studying". how ironic. But i'm glad they are over, i'm sure i'll be able to find things/people to invest my time into, positive that i will. Been spending my marking days lazing around, going back to school for LTC prep, going out with friends. Its been good, i quite like the feeling of having time in my hands and also the thought that i can afford to 'waste' my time away doing frivolous things makes me feel all (Y) (Y), how liberating. I realise holidays always screw up my body clock, i end up sleeping at ungodly hours and waking up in the afternoon. pretty bad but i like it, whooops. So we're getting back our papers starting Tuesday next week, and boy am i afraid. Don't really know what to expect, fearing the unknown, hoping for the best, prepared for the worst.

I guess ignorance isn't always bliss, what you don't know can hurt you. How puzzling, and thought provoking. "Everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something and has lost something." Living in one messed up world, but its amazing how Your light still shines through the darkness. You Illuminate.

:(

2011-10-08T00:29:00.002+08:00

Just 2 more papers and i'm done for the year. amazing how the school year has almost come to an end, and as much as it has been one hell of a roller coaster ride, i don't want it to end. i can't even believe i'm saying this.

THINGS I WILL/DO MISS

1. Kaiyisa Tan, my bb's graduating :'(

2. Party Rock Cru/ Fatty Rock Cru

3. WTFREEE

4. JYC

5. Graduating Sec 4s

6. 2O

7. my bffls

tbc.

party all night

2011-10-03T20:04:00.002+08:00

I SHOULD BE AT THE GRAVITY TOUR WESTLIFE CONCERT RN :(

sucks that exams are here now, but it just means that holiday's are coming soon, 8 MORE DAYS BABEH.

pppppppppppppparty

*\o/*

In a glance

2011-09-29T21:18:00.000+08:00

i'm gonna steer clear, burn up in your atmosphere.

So September's coming to an end, time's flying by. Pictures, Memories, I'm glad.

With love, xx.

:(

2011-09-24T22:49:00.000+08:00

its been a bad day, its been a bad week. please give me grace to see beyond this moment here.

come and go

2011-09-08T15:20:00.000+08:00

S e p t e m b e r h o l i d a y s
Have been wasting my holiday away, as usual. didn't plan for it to be productive anyway. doesn't help that my twitter timeline is FLOODED with tweets about revision and studying etc. kinda stresses me out but at the same time i feel nothing, the irony. i don't know where my drive to do well went, i need to find it, desperately. I never did have the drive, or maybe i think i lost it after i started failng history, bummer. i am worried for eoys, but surprisingly this fear isn't pushing me to do my work. and the very fact that it isn't is scaring me even more. i need to pull my socks up, definitely.

Someone asked me if i knew the both of you. A million memories flashed through my mind and i whispered "not anymore". i deserve to be happier than i am now, and thats why i've decided to let it go, and let this season pass. For when a chapter closes, a new one starts.

"you're too young to be this empty, girl."

_

2011-08-24T22:31:00.002+08:00

Been thinking a lot about Christianity today. i think a lot of people feel that their commitment to God is their own private and personal issue, which i agree with totally, but at the same time they judge others when they, out of the blue, just want to say something related to God. it puzzles me. Are people who may not have as solid a relationship with God as others not allowed to speak of God in the same way that others do? I know clearly the answer in my heart, that yes, even though their faith is not as strong that they are still as loved and as treasured by God. Then it comes to why others are judging and condemning? Does having a stable and consistent relationship with God make one feel more superior? Then again i know that no one is perfect, and that we all make mistakes, it can't be helped. i can't even begin to explain and comprehend my thoughts, its rather overwhelming. Am i over-thinking? I guess it all boils down to me as an individual. To stand by what i believe in and who I know I am is hard, but its the only thing that I have. Serving in church, praying fervently, being a leader - yes these are important, but is there more to it?

I can honestly, truthfully say that to be judged by a fellow christian tears you up more than anything else. All emotions are amplified, be it disappointment, vulnerability or sadness. If my walk with God is personal, then why are people judging?

"Even if you fall sometimes, you will have the strength to rise. Thats what faith can do."

:(

2011-08-18T23:53:00.002+08:00

i miss camp, i miss my buds.

No words could say, or song convey.

2011-08-07T22:39:00.000+08:00

HI AAAAAAAAAAAALL :)

Its been some time, i have to say. life's been good, small hiccups here and there (no, big) but life is still good. Can't begin to explain how much i've been enjoying life, for the past month or so. Though there were quite a few major problems, still found a way to be happy, and that feels so good. To know that 'yes, i have problems' but still be contented with what one has, its an amazing feeling. So for the month of July - I've went on countless cru outings *\o/* (love them all so much), made MANY new friends like soepra and rob and dadada, failed chem for the first time in my life, loveMG, FDD, bern's birthday, RYC. Been studying at spins a lot, with shay and bern. i hope, with all my heart, that i won't fare so badly for CT3 :(

"Give me eyes to see

More of who You are

May what I behold,

still my anxious heart.

Take what I have known

And break it all apart

For You my God, are greater still.

No sky contains,

No doubt restrains,

All You are,

The greatness of our God.

I spend my life to know,

And I'm far from close

To all You are,

The greatness of our God.

Give me grace to see

Beyond this moment here.

To believe that there

Is nothing left to fear.

That You alone are high above it all.

For You my God, are greater still.

And there is nothing

That can ever separate us.

There is nothing that can ever

separate us from Your love.

No life, no death, of this I am convinced.

You my God, are greater still.

And no words can say, or song convey,

all You are the greatness of our God.

I spend my life to know,

And I'm far from close

to all You are,

the greatness of our God"

Remember that you are beautiful, and that no one should ever rob you of your joy :')

>

2011-07-08T23:45:00.004+08:00

WE ARE THE KINGS AND QUEENS OF PROMISE, THE VICTIMS OF OURSELVES.

One day, i hope to be good enough to play at the esplanade.

2011-07-08T01:35:00.000+08:00

({})

2011-07-07T22:52:00.004+08:00

The Script taught me how to listen to my heart.

Greenday taught me that the government's gonna fail someday.

Bruno Mars taught me to do anything for the person I love

Eminem taught me that life is hard but you can make it through

Travis taught me to be generous

Taylor Swift taught me that not every guy is going to treat me right

30 Seconds to Mars taught me to speak whats on my mind

Michael Jackson taught me to love the people around me

Music taught me to live

\o/

2011-06-20T21:12:00.003+08:00

First day back at school was aaaaaaamazing ;) i think its cos everyone has the same recess so we all get to hang together and all. can't wait for tomorrow, wish school was like today, everyday. Its good to see everyone again, miss ma cruuuuuuu and the sec 4's :') need to do homework, nuuuuoooo. lunch with the boys and ron after school on wed *\o/* watching green lantern on friday, whoooo. though i wish i had my one more week of holidays, going back to school doesn't seem that bad ;) can't wait to go for NEON TREES with shay, bern and nic ;) and also An Ode to Penguin ^^ exciting exciting, EOYs in 10 weeks apparently. pssh.

Fathers day wasn't that bad, maybe's cos it wasn't eventful. didn't celebrate this year, think everyone couldn't be bothered, even dad. oh well. church was fun tho (Y)

Camp Upgrade

2011-06-15T13:30:00.005+08:00

I can safely say that this camp has been THE BEST EVER. even better than my first camp in primary 6. not gonna talk much about it though, don't want to. So, begged my dad to change the dates of the USA trip so i can go for year-end camp. Hopefully i can :')

Family

Love

Change

Acceptance

2011-06-14T16:19:00.001+08:00

My Dearest Allie,
I couldn’t sleep last night because I know that it’s over between us. I’m not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I’ll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I’ll be seeing you.
Noah

Dust to Dawn.

2011-06-01T17:26:00.003+08:00

HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JUNE

Thats half a year gone, in such a short time. i still remember June 2010 vividly, its amazing how time passes so quickly. the older you are, the faster time passes, the faster things slip through your fingers, the more you miss the past. i remember when i was in primary school and stupid, i wanted to grow up so bad, thinking that i'd be cool and wise and shit like that. damn how my mindset has changed, i wanna be forever young. God, growing up kind of sucks, everything just piles up.

But at least we have a 'break' now, a three week 'holiday' which is technically not a holiday anymore considering the amount of homework that we have. nonetheless, i'm gonna take what i get and make the best out of it. prefects camp tomorrow, hope it'll be fun, i'm sure it'll be :') then there's JYC camp next week for the entire week! (whoooooooooo) its gonna be my last camp so I WILL ENJOY MYSELF AND NOBODY WILL RUIN IT FOR ME. i have to admit, i quite love church c: hmmah hmmah hmmah, so excited ^^

This week hasn't been so bad. Monday was prom shopping with Kaya, Crispy and Jeanine. I tagged along to laugh, and laugh. Yesterday had tuition in the morning, then tea at cedele with Shay and Bern :') they're the best, really. I've been at bux since like 9 in the morning, attempting to mug. I must say it succeeded, sort of ;)

To a wonderful, fun-filled holiday with love.

=

2011-05-17T01:07:00.000+08:00

Vesak day tomorrow, USS with sam, lyn, nic and cheng c: should actually be sleeping now, but somehow i just can't. and i don't think it has anything to do with my excitement level. i'm kind of glad commons are over, but at the same time i wish they weren't. it was my only (sort of) drive and motivation to study. i'm afraid that i might waste my june holidays away, not that i have much of it to myself. needa go back to school so often, so many camps to attend, INTENSE.

Had a rather fun and interesting weekend i must say :) May period with the cru was guuuud, dinner in the theater in cine whilst watching Water for Elephants, walked around for a bit, then we had cold rock at 313. guuuud times :') couldn't ask for more, cept that maybe shay would dress a lil less crazily and a lil more like a normal person, but its all cooooool. church was, yeah, like church, same old same old.

Though i was actually kind of occupied throughout the entire weekend, couldn't help but space out alot. I've been doing it pretty often i must say, drifting into my own bubble. can't help it, plus everything seems sort of 'better' when i'm day dreaming. but i don't think its very healthy :S the only reason (i think) why i'm withdrawing myself is because of things that are happening now, things that i'm going through? but whatever, not gonna elaborate here.

I've been pretty pissy lately, so word of advise, don't annoy me. I will be a bloody bitch, sad to say :(

*

2011-05-07T22:18:00.001+08:00

i love long weekends.

cos i can be a pig and sleep in, but thats not the point. i guess its also the reason why i've been slacking, cos i keep thinking i have 'enough time' cos of the extra day. but that means i never ever get anything done.

5 papers down, 3 more to go. they didn't go very well though, i felt really sucky after every paper. except Amath. which is quite demoralizing i must say. but its not like i can do anything about it. thank god the remaining papers are just pure memorizing and no understanding. cept chinese, but then again, since when did i do well for chinese? :3 i am prepared to fail chem, i don't understand it, too complex for ma brain. hopefully kong gets some of it in my head tomorrow ^^

I did absolutely nothing today, had fun tho :) study date with shay and bern at coffee club at wheelock. I think the only person that actually did work was bern. i just fooled around and wasted my time away. laughed waaaaaay too much today. life's all chill when i'm with PRC. its not that there aren't any problems, i guess it feels all relaxed and comfortable because we all roughly have the same problems. but unlike majority of the people i know, they don't let these 'problems' affect their whole lives. that is what i admire most about them :') ANYWAY, can't wait till our may period ^^ hehehehe

So anyway, its mothers day tomorrow. i actually hate mothers day, a lot. Ugh.

period

2011-04-23T02:12:00.003+08:00

thank god the school week was shorter this week, really needed the rest! plus LBD on thursday was such a success, they should just open a subway stall in mg, i would eat everyday c: Today was reaaaaaally guuuuuud. got to sleep in, after an extremely long time. went to ksuites with the family. omg, dayuum atas, thank god. i was afraid that there might be prostitutes or something /: but that was quite fun, my dad sang katy perry's teenage dream, boy was that disturbing :P walked around bugis with dai after, which made me realise how much i hate bugis cos 1) the people there are scary 2) there's NOTHING to do there. met some of her school friends, which was awkward /: the whole time i was like "why can't time pass quicker so i can go meet ma friends for dinner"

Met Shaki, Shay and Bern for dinner at Ion but ended up going to Wheelock for SKINNY PIZZA which was really gooood. bus-ed down to Holland V cos shay wanted to go somewhere cool and hipster. had dessert at cold rock and just sat at the hawker centre to talk :) don't have any pictures cos its all with the bau5. quite excited, this is gonna be a monthly affair ;) heheheh.

going to have to wake up for tuition in less than 6 hours. omf, should sleep now. stayed up to watch Little Fockers ^^ it was bloody hilarious. didn't do any work today. gonna try and finish up all the shit i owe laoshi tomorrow, or she'll kill me on monday /: i should probably also start studying, commons in a week, D I E .

i wish i was smarter and skinnier, way way way way way way way skinnier.

justin, i love you.

2011-04-20T19:41:00.001+08:00

BIEBER WAS AMAZINGGGGGGGGGGG <3

i can't even begin to describe how fantastic he was :')

i would give anything and everything to watch him again!!!!!!!!!

i've never been so crazy over anything/anyone before.

I've never been such a hardcore fangirl before. Should've seen me at the indoor stadium, i was nuts <:

"There're so many pretty girls out here tonight"

"SCREAAAAAAAMS"

"Anybody single?"

"SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMS"

"Anybody lonely?"

"SCREEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMS"

Justin, you are my runaway love. When you smile, i smile. I know that one day, i'll be your one less lonely girl ^^ Cos Baby when you're with me, its like an angel came by and took me to heaven. Cos when i stare in your eyes, it couldn't be better.

BIEBER FOR LIFE <3

bieberfever

2011-04-17T21:15:00.001+08:00

HI BIEBS <3

IMMA SEE YOU LIVE IN 2 DAYS!

please pick me to be your one less lonely girl :')

i love you <:

-

2011-04-11T21:21:00.007+08:00

"I can't tell you that its not going to hurt and I can't tell you that I won't cry but I promise you that I'll be okay and that I'll survive"

Sometimes i don't know why i'm fighting so hard, why i'm so persistent, why i won't let go, why i won't give up till i get this friendship 'fixed'. i feel rather stupid for only doing something about it now, when i realized i did something wrong way back. then again, its my fault, so i only have myself to blame. All i can say is i was, enchanted to meet you.

CRU~

2011-04-10T20:50:00.005+08:00

School was bad. but Xcountry on friday was all guud :> followed by arabian nightz on saturday and YC anni today. i love weekends c:

Don't know how the week is going to pan out, but i'm hoping for the best. lots of tests this week /: chem, amath and bio? i'm not sure. struggling, crumbling, whats new? life is such a blur now, its scary how fast things change. one day at a time, thats all i can handle for now. how weak.

Xcountry :>

YC 12th Anniversary

Arabian Nightz ;)

2011-04-06T20:42:00.002+08:00

fuck

school.

`

2011-04-05T17:50:00.004+08:00

There comes a point in time where all of it has to stop, whatever it is. Loving, hating, dreaming, wishing, chasing, wanting, holding. We have to know when to let go. And let go. Though its hard, just let go.

-

2011-03-31T21:41:00.000+08:00

Its been a hard three months. blood, sweat, tears.

i question myself everyday. i ask myself what i'm doing with my life and why its turning out like that. why everything is tough and painful. why i'm struggling all the time. and honestly, i can't find an answer to any of them. and that's what's so frustrating. i try and try and try but nothing happens, yenno? sec 3's tough shit, no kidding. or maybe its just this year and all that has happened. i'm just trying to find my way out of all this, to feel at peace again. to feel in control of me, and of the situations around me. life is so fast-paced, wish it could all just slow down. every morning i tell myself 'chin up fi, today'll be okay' but i come back all meh-ish /: may this season of my life end like now.

"Cos what kind of guy would be, if i were to leave when you need me most"

2011-03-26T23:05:00.003+08:00

just watched the More Than Words mv by Chris Medina. cried my eyes out. the more i watched, the more i cried. omf.

Anywhere you are, I am near,
Anywhere you go, I'll be there,
Anytime you whisper my name,
You'll see,
Every single promise I'll keep,
'Cuz what kind of guy would I be,
If I was to leave when you need me most,

What are words
If you really don't mean them when you say them,
What are words
If they're only for good times then they're done,
When it's love, yeah, you say them,
All of those words,
They never go away,
They live on,
Even when we're gone,
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/c/chris_medina/what_are_words.html ]
And I know an angel will say
Just for me and I know I'm meant,
To be where I am and I'm gonna be,
Standin' right beside her tonight,
And I'm gonna be by your side,
I would never leave when she needs me most,

Anywhere you are, I am near,
Anywhere you go, I'll be there,
And I'm gonna be there forever more,

Every single promise I'll keep,
'Cuz what kind of guy would I be,
If I was to leave when you need me most

I'm forever keeping my angel
Close.

2011-03-14T20:56:00.000+08:00

"For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

~

2011-03-05T00:44:00.002+08:00

i'm back :') after a long time, again. its a week to the march holidays, which is not going to seem like a holiday cos i have so many things to do. but i'm thankful, at least i have a break, better than nothing. school's been tough /: i don't know what i'm doing wrong. did so badly for cts, but i put in so much effort. i'm more angry at myself than disappointed. and i don't dare face anyone because i feel as if i've let them down, especially aunty val. i don't know how i'm going to tell her to her face tomorrow that i did badly for emath after i told her last week that i did badly for amth. i feel like such a failure. everybody else did so well for cts, cept me. and its only ct1, and their normally the easiest out of all 4. and if i'm already doing so bad then how am i going to survive the rest of the year?

I feel so demoralized. i really wasn't expecting myself to fare so badly. yes i had my doubts about some papers but on the whole i thought i would be able to cope and get at least an average mark for every subject, cept chem of course. i guess not. everyone tells me to try harder and they all say 'move one' and 'take this as a lesson' and 'you should have studied harder'. i don't know how to respond to that. I definitely won't give up. but its just so hard y'know? especially with an older sister who did fantastic in secondary school and a younger sister who's getting A's for everything. so hard to live up to expectations and to fill those shoes.

These are the times where i wish i could move to a beach house somewhere far away, where when i wake up in the morning i can smell the sea instantly. i would watch the sun rise and watch the sun set everyday. but i know that its not possible, at least now it isn't. i don't want to face reality, but i have to. sec 3 is a whole new ball game.

Besides my grades and all that stress, i'm starting to like my class :') and i'm so glad that i feel this way. i guess their all cool and funny in their own way, and i like that. everyone's opening up and everybody's just more willing to talk and mingle so its getting really fun ^^ luvin it, enjoying every second of it. couldn't have asked for a better class, i can confidently say that :')

Swim meet's next tues/wed? not sure. quite excited for it, i love these kinda whole school events, gets everybody all hyped up and excited. jackson's gonna kick-ass! feel kinda bad for making kaya promise me she'll go though. cos i know she wants to go for the C div finals so bad, imma do something about that. sucks how this is their batch's last year :( i love all of them so much, and school'll be so different without them around. so i hope that this year won't fly by as quickly as last year did, cos come the end of the year i'll cry like shit when they leave officially. not looking forward to that day, at all.

I should really go to bed soon, so i can be all happy and attentive during tuition tomorrow. heh but before i log off...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA

love you to bits, you've been my pillar of strength. thank you for always being there for me, i don't know what i would do without you. you're the best grandma in the world ;) best chef as well :')

//wrists

2011-02-12T22:09:00.004+08:00

Its been a long time since i've written anything here, what a pity. guess school's been tough, work load is... yeah. i think school has been a big blur, i don't really know whats going on so i'm just going with the flow and trying to do things that seem right and things that make me invisible. Guess i just haven't 'settled' into my new class yet, still miss 2O and i still wish that i had the same classmates. i know, i can't do anything about it. i'm trying so damn hard to just feel like i'm part of the class i'm in now but its hard. Its only been a month, i still have time.

but on a happier note, my data plan is activated! so now i'm so busy cos i'm talking to people 24/7 on BBm or whatsapp ^^ v.v.v. fun, and exciting. huh, feel so loser right now, hah.

Annoyed at the fact that i have to go back to school tomorrow to dethorn flowers. i'm in school 5 days a week, i don't see why i have to return on a sunday, a rest day, to be a slave to the school :( and this is also the very reason why she's not texting me back now, cos i angst-ed at her and i feel so damn bloody stupid cos i fucked up.

"I love you. I am who I am because of you. You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I’ve ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, every day we are together is the greatest day of my life. I will always be yours, and my darling, you will always be mine."

所需要的力量你天天賜給我

2011-01-09T20:39:00.002+08:00

ORIENTATION CAMP WAS (Y)

enjoyed myself, alot. Miss my 1S kiddos so much, even if they gave me a bad sore throat cos i had to scream at them so much. being responsible for 28 of them is no joke, at all. but i had fun, their a good bunch, really noisy and extremely enthusiastic, and their an SBC class ^^

Had to catch up on lots of studying and homework though, crammed it all yesterday, slept at 4 and woke up at 7 for church. service was good, it was great! thank God for church, family is precious, it really is.

I know the coming week is going to be really tough, but i'll survive, i know i will :') besides, after a hurricane, comes a rainbow.

禱告，因為我渺小；
禱告，因為我知道我需要明暸，你心意對我重要。
禱告，已假裝不了；
禱告，因為你的愛我需要；
你關懷，我走過的你都明白。
有些事我只想要對你說，因你比任何人都愛我；
痛苦從眼中流下，我知道你為我擦。
在早晨我也要來對你說，主耶穌今天我為你活；
所需要的力量你天天賜給我，你恩典夠我用。

2011-01-05T22:30:00.002+08:00

I CAN'T TAKE THE STRESS,

ITS KILLING ME.

how am i going to survive the year.

2011-01-04T22:28:00.000+08:00

its only the first day of school and i don't wanna go back already *wails*

2010

2010-12-28T03:53:00.003+08:00

It's 4 in the morning, i'm not feeling well and i can't sleep. Its the last week of the year, and i can't help but think of the year that has passed by so quickly. the things that i regret, the things that make me smile even up till now, the friendships that have lasted and those that didn't, how i've changed. this year has been amazing, really. though its been tough, the toughest ever, but i still think that this year has been great. no doubt i wish i could re-do some things and go back to those moments to change what had happened, but it all worked out, almost everything has fallen into place. okay i'm not gonna lie, lots of things are not settled, not solved, not worked out, but i know these things would be ok soon. so i'm happy, i'm glad and i'm extremely grateful for everything that has happened in the year, for every single second of 2010 and whats left of it. its amazing how the holidays are coming to an end, how the year is coming to an end. time really does pass quickly. it feels as though the older i am, the faster the year passes. i don't know what 2011 has in store for me, part of me says 'bring it on' but the other part of me is really scared. there are so many questions, so many 'what if's, so many doubts. i know for sure that 2011's not going to be easy. back to school, new class, new faces. in church, with the batch above us gone it'll be a different kind of atmosphere. all this at once is kind of overwhelming, and also kind of depressing. but like what everyone says, it'll work out in the end. i'm not accustomed to change, i don't like change, and maybe thats why i don't want 2010 to end. because where i am now is great, i've found my balance. but i can't avoid 2011, can i. its gonna be one heck of a year, its gonna be a really tough year. will it be emotionally and physically tiring and draining? OH YES, no doubt. at least i know that there's still family back at church, that thought is comforting :')

So thankyou, to every single person that has made my year special and has made me feel special, love you guys.

literally how i feel now,

2010-12-19T02:06:00.000+08:00

2010-12-16T23:49:00.002+08:00

Dear John,

2010-12-15T18:16:00.005+08:00

Savannah:

'The problem with time, I've learned, whether it's those first two weeks I got to spend with you, or the final two months I got to spend with him, eventually time always runs out. I have no idea where you are out there in the world, John. But I understand that I lost the right to know these things long ago. No matter how many years go by, I know one thing to be as true as ever was - I'll see you soon then.'

John:

'So there's something else I wanna tell you. Right before everything went black, you wanna know the very last thing that entered my mind? You.'

Watched this with Ron, cried buckets.

I want love like this.

2010-12-14T23:17:00.000+08:00

~

2010-12-14T22:03:00.005+08:00

tears again.

2010-12-14T21:31:00.004+08:00

I'm so confused, i don't know what to think. my inner bitch-like self just wants to take over and rage at everyone, like ANGST x97384683242947294. but, i can't. what on earth is going on.

BIEBER FEVER

2010-12-13T16:21:00.005+08:00

Dai just got on the plane to cambodia :'( miss her already. ooooo bubbles just got her haircut, SO CUTE! school starts in 3 weeks, sucks /: don't really know the people in my class next year, ah ah ah ah ah ah. i'll just take it as it comes i guess, it can't be that bad right. it should be okay, not gonna judge them when i don't even know them.

Can't wait for christmas! bought almost all the christmas presents for everyone. But its really stressful to buy for other people cos you don't know whether they would like it or not. but still! christmas service this sunday with ma fav bunch! cept ron's leaving for hk again on monday :( Oh and WWW on the first

♥

I THINK I LUV BIEBER

"i close my eyes and i can see better day"

family :')

2010-12-03T22:02:00.003+08:00

Just got home from JYC camp, it was great, really really good <: made lots of new friends, got closer to many of my existing friends. family is good, family is love. Ah miss Jin, Kong and Ron already :'( too bad eugene wasn't at camp, stupid boy missed out on so much fun. Ah, but wild wild wet on 1st with them, heeeeee, can't wait! think i wanna spend my birthday with them :')

I LOVE YOU BUT I KNOW YOU WON'T LOVE ME BACK.

ma fav boys, cept eugene and eduard's missing :')

honey,

2010-11-12T23:50:00.001+08:00

i hurt when you hurt, you know?

Life is, complete, with you.

2010-11-12T23:48:00.000+08:00

I would say that loving someone is akin to placing a loaded gun in their hands, cold and hard, pressed against the small of your back. You give them the power to destroy you. Now, isn't that courage? Leaving yourself open and vulnerable. Sure, it sounds weak, but I'd like to think that it takes a hell lot of courage.

I think you know it, deep down inside. The feeling's like nothing you've ever felt before, isn't it? You feel so fucking helpless, getting drawn deeper and deeper in and you don't know where you're going. And suddenly the future doesn't seem so scary anymore, heartbreak or not. Because you know that it would have all been worth it in the end.

That's courage to me. Trust.

2010-11-03T00:30:00.003+08:00

i feel, replaced.

mine

2010-10-14T01:37:00.004+08:00

I love you, but i think i'll let you go. I love you and thats why i'm letting you go.

You make my life complete, you make life seem so easy, you take away my pain, you love me for who I am. You're different, you stand out in the crowd. everybody loves you. and i don't know how to deal with that. so here's to freedom to you, and pain to me. I guess i'm tired of being peeved, and i know you deserve better. i care and i love. You've been the best thing in my life, you'll always be.

Sleep

2010-10-12T21:09:00.002+08:00

F R E E D O M

Finally. Its time to catch up on sleep :) Though results are coming back next week, i'm just going to enjoy marking days. I'll start mourning next monday. I predict tears of disappointment and depression. Picnic tmrw, can't wait :> bringing crys' polaroid, and bought really cute film, hello kitty and mickey mouse. i luv disney, no idea how much i can emphasise on that! Holidays are coming, end of the month, which is really quick, yay! lotsa camps and activities, so exciting (Y) GETTING MA BB ON SATURDAY, omgomgomgomgomgomg ^^ data plan ftw. ok, gonna go sleep soon, had 2 hours of sleep yesterday cos i was rushing art. like who loses sleep because of art right, aye. Gonna go get ready for bed :)

Down.

2010-09-28T22:29:00.002+08:00

Commons are next week, but i'm not prepared. and as the days pass, i'm losing faith and feeling more and more demoralized. Been feeling down, aye. Hmm, going to go back to study. God make this a productive time, Amen.

why must i conceal what i think and how i feel?

I can fool the world, but i cannot fool my heart

2010-09-28T22:22:00.003+08:00

look at me
you may think you see who i really am
but you'll never know me
everyday it's as if i play a part
now i see if i wear a mask
i can fool the world but i cannot fool my heart

Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show who i am inside

I am now in a world where I have to hide my heart
and what I believe in
but somehow I will show the world what's inside my heart
and be loved for who I am

who is that girl I see staring straight back at me
why is my reflection someone I don't know
must I pretend that i'm someone else for all time?
when will my reflection show who i am inside?

there's a heart that must be free to fly
that burns with a need to know the reason why

why must we all conceal what we think and how we feel
must there be a secret me that i'm forced to hide
i won't pretend that i'm someone else for all time
when will my reflection show who i am inside

Saya Rindu Kamu

2010-09-23T19:47:00.003+08:00

Commons are so damn soon i'm freaking out. there is so much to study i'm losing hope. i really wanna get trip science, but that goal seems so impossible right now. everybody else is so damn smart so they might push the benchmark higher and i'll be reduced to tears because i won't get it. but aye, not like i can do anything but study my ass off, which i'm really bad at so, OMFG. I'm wasting time now typing this, i needa go do more math and more everything. y'know recently, i've been feeling really tired. but i don't know why, i even sleep fairly early. aye, its the stress probably. so damn stupid. stress makes me moody, which is bad. i wanna holiday so bad now. but no, doubt i'm going on a holiday. Oh, i've improved on my malay, ^^ x10000000000

Really?

2010-09-13T21:34:00.002+08:00

I hate when people ask me how i am. That monotonous response that 'i'm fine, thanks, how're you?' is so forced, so contrived. When i reply i don't even think of the meaning of the words that are tumbling out. I don't even stop to realize that no, i'm not, or maybe yes, i'm f-ing amazing. I wish people wanted to know how each other were rather than using the question 'how are you?' as this regularly structured script.

Being single is not that bad, i don't know why everyone despises it.

I'm fat. When i see food i get a headache because i know if i eat anything, i'll just keep gaining pounds. Basically, i hate me and my fat legs. I need to be thin.

I want to be tall.

There are days where i wish i wasn't cursed with caring so much about everyone around me.

Burn and Destroy, Crash and Burn.

I live in the past to muffle the pain of the present.

Every time i look at the moon, i feel as if i can see into heaven. Its one of the most beautiful things i've ever seen.

Sometimes i wake up feeling like i shouldn't be waking up at all. But when it comes down to it, I don't want to die. I just want to learn how to live.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, but thats alright because i like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry, but thats alright because i love the way you lie.

Rejoice

2010-09-05T22:07:00.002+08:00

Its the holidays! everybody rejoice! well, not really, EOYs kinda start on week 1 of term 4. BUT WHO CARES, its the last term of the year, finally. I'm quite surprised actually, this year passed really quickly, seems as if christmas was only a month ago. Guess as we grow older time passes way faster cos we have more things to do, and much more to think of. i remember in primary school one year seemed like 5 years, hah :> but even so, this one week break is jam packed with many many fun things to do, as well as studying of course. Hard to believe that exams are so close, and i'm gonna be sec 3 soon, too soon.

Wedding yesterday was amazing. i wanna get married so badly too. it was so sweet, like sweet till you can't describe it sweet. with 4 more weddings to come, aye, its gonna be fun ;) i know we're still in september but i can't wait for nov-dec holidays! heh c: i look way to far ahead, but oh well. there's so many camps at the end of the year, on top of jyc camp, childrens camp and prefects camp, there's LTC, nooooooo. actually don't really wanna go for it, waste of my time, in my opinion at least l: i absolutely hate staying over in school.

Oh. guess what, the computer blocked WHI >:C so now i'm going back to tumblr, not that its bad or anything but WHI is so much more convenient. i wanna watch HSM 1 & 3 so bad now, i don't know, i think i have a thing for disney shows ;) call me childish or immature but i think i'm cool :> aye, but cannot. Need to study for EOYs which i'm so totally gonna own so i can qualify for triple science (amen). oh, today is a good hair day, i'm so glad! Think imma drop by kaya's house sometime this week <: have some fun, goof around, be stupid, annoy her a lil bit ;)

I really want to express my inner thoughts about many people here, but that'll just be mean, so i'm gonna go in my room and talk to my soft toy or something. Ogay, time to go and do lots and lots of math so that i can get my A1 :> and camel if you're reading this, i love you.

Booze

2010-08-25T19:51:00.003+08:00

Miss the taste of alcohol, aye, its k, 18, 4 more years, can tahan la. but yog's ending tomorrow ): no more swooning over hot guys on tv, and imma miss it, like the whole yog fever, its nice to see everyone so enthusiastic about it y'know ;) Having my daim cake now and its delicious, but i have geog to do, not gonna do it! purposely left it in school, teehee ^^ needa start revising for EOYs anyhow, its really soon. and hell ct3 just ended, what a life students have these days. at least i know i'm not alone, and i mean, whats so bad about studying? i think its rather relaxing, sometimes, at least when there's no pressure. maybe i should draw out a study plan from now till EOYs, practical right? but i tried it last year, and no i rarely even followed it :( uh, i really needa be more diligent, but its easier said than done, that i'm sure of.

Did i mention i love my new house? :D well except for the lift and the downstairs part, kinda smelly and dodgy, but all's fine on my level, nice neighbours, hell alotta wind (thank god) and a room all to myself ;) HAHA, i have this really huge bruise on my left hand and it hurts so damn bad, plus this huge ass ulcer in my mouth >:C mama squeezed the meds onto it but don't think its working, or maybe its cos i've been poking it with my tongue :P speaking of body parts, i wanna go for lypo. i have too much fats. i wanna cry every single time i see myself in front of a mirror. (i forgot how mirror was typed so i went 'mirrow' HEHE) i don't understand why i can't have skinny legs like everyone else. @%^*&^$%#$@

14, 15, 19, 27. DUH OBVIOUSLY I'LL CHOOSE EITHER 14 OR 15, DEPENDING ON... not gonna say, heh ^^ hmmmmmmmmmmm ;) smitten. 14 is so damn blooooooody sexy ;) 15 is just pure sweet and nice, like a soulmate, a bestfriend, more than that actually. 19's a playboy. 27's charming, the ideal guy you actually wanna marry :) hahahhaha, omg, what the hell am i saying, aye. that was just pure bull.

The past is over now.

Score!

2010-08-12T21:23:00.002+08:00

I BELIEVE THAT I'M GONNA OWN MATH TMRW AND GET MY A1 :)

amen.

for the first time in a really long time, i feel extremely prepared for my math paper, i feel extremely confident about it, and i know that i'm not gonna fail! hehe, SHIFT 66. you have no idea how happy i feel, hmmm. although i screwed physics up today, i think i'll be happy with math. never did so many math questions in a year i tell you :) and for the first time in my whole entire life, i love math ^^ AHAH, what a joke. anyway, school's been alright, except for the fact that i'm always tired cos i sleep so late the night before. oh well. weekend's coming, and there's elearning next week on thursday and friday so thats another long weekend! shopping on saturday with camel, can't wait!

Exceeding joy

2010-08-10T14:14:00.006+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RONZBONZ!

LOV YOU LOTS

WOAWEEE ^^ the long weekend has been good, despite a little hiccup, but all's been great :) dohp was dope, it looked like hillsongs, really :) i sat right at the back, on the raised platform, and the veiw was gorgeous, like seriously, if only my lau ya pok phone had a better camera function, then the photos would have turned out prettier and clearer, butt i'm satsfied with what i have. had a fun time in church before going! studied with gracia and iggy, we all did math and aunty val's homework ;) then watched the boys play basketball. camwhored like mad in the train with the girls, aye, what else could we have done eh. But, i think i've learnt something from the unfortunate event that happened on sunday. i can't please everyone, and i shouldn't try to to the expense of me getting so upset and affected. yes friends are important, but they shouldn't rob you of your happiness. Not reacting to people saying things about you behind your back or even bullying your friend is hard, but once you do it, its like God says 'well done child, thats whats right'. and after all that drama, you know that god woud fix it, and that feeling's just indescribable :) Aye, so no i will not stoop to your level and try to even it out with you and no, i will not be affected by the mean things you have to say about me. afterall, i know myself whats true and whats not, and i'll stand by what i believe in always. so yes, come to church next week, and have the time of your life ^^ i love you, but i don't have to like you ;) Hmmah, i feel happy, really happy. OH, housewarming yesterday was really fun! had a blast, and ron and eunice stayed over :D tuition later at aunty val's, can't wait!

beach party playlist ^^

2010-08-06T16:59:00.003+08:00

Ke$ha- Take it off

Taio Cruz- Dynamite

Enrique Iglesias feat. PitBull- I Like it

Timbaland feat. Katy perry- If We Ever Meet Again

Mike Posner- Cooler Than Me

Usher feat. Will.I.Am- OMG

Lady Gaga feat. Beyonce- Telephone

Katy Perry feat. Snoop Dogg- California Gurls

3OH!3- Starstrukk

Flo Rida feat. David Guetta- Club Can't Handle Me

Cobra Starship- Hot Mess

Patron Tequila feat. Jon, Eve- Paradiso Girls

Jay Sean feat. Lil Jon, Sean Paul- Do You Remember

to be continued

dynamite

2010-08-06T16:41:00.003+08:00

Sunday, opened my nice purple bulletin, my eyes went straight to mission trip at the end of the year, and i rejoiced in my heart, but then i thought of what happened last year and how i let my guard down, and i just became kinda disheartened and sad. I know that whatever that happened has happened and Pastor, Sharon, Ivan and God has already forgiven us, but i still can't help but feel guilty for all that i've done. every single time something reminds me of cambodia i'll be really happy and i'll miss people like chenda and srey pek but then i realize how much damage we did, and i just cringe at why i did it. and i ask myself why i did it, and why i wasn't vigilant or sensitive enough. I really wanna go back, see the kids, see mummy ruth, write on the wall of the museum, go back and live in the village, have meecha, drink amazing coffee, have fun at the team house, see the cute fat cat, ride in a tuktuk, but i'm not sure whether i can or not. i guess whatever that happened last year was a lesson, and i've definitely learnt. I hope i can go back, but i'm not sure whether the leaders or pastor would allow it? i really wanna fix what i've personally did wrong in cambo l: Hmm, pray.

Well, had 4 papers this week. i guess †hey were quite okay, not that bad, but i felt like i could have started revising earlier, note to self for EOYs. 4 more papers next week! you can do it fi! had national day celebrations today ^^ they are always super fun cos everybody gets hyped up and enthusiastic about singalong and everything,had a blast! plus i laughed like mad at kai, hai, jock, with nerd glasses ^^ sweetie, you looked so awkward on stage cos you were SO enthusiastic but it was really good, i promise. I can't wait to see you on wed :) but anyway, 2 worship pracs tomorrow :( and imma go buy ron's birthday present after so yay! needa start revision for physics which is on thursday cos i don't understand light :'( Aye, horrible. the only paper i feel good about is math (for once) cos aunty val is an extreeemely good teacher, plus a good cook ^^ Hmmah, thinking of dropping by vivo at night, see how! HOUSE-WARMING ON MONDAY!

light it up, like its dynamite

Alive in You

2010-08-01T20:24:00.002+08:00

Hmmm, church was good. glad i didn't pon. I needa get my life right, needa decided once and for all. sitting on the fence is horrible, and i know which side i wanna go on, i really do. Commons starting this week l: only studied geog, gah! i needa start and cram everything in, can can can :) Fwhosssh, prefect's installation tomorrow, yay! memorised all that i had to already, i'm extremely proud to be a prefect ^^ now i just needa go finish all my school homework, but i'm kinda happy today. think i've been scaring everyone by telling them that i might be bi :P HAHHAHHA ^^ no, i'm not, i was just kidding.

15 vs. 27 <3

i've found a love greater than life itself
i've found a hope stronger and nothing
compares
i once was lost now i'm alive in you
i'm alive in you

Say no to love

2010-07-28T20:08:00.001+08:00

THE PAINS OF BEING PURE AT HEART,

just say no to love.

your Love

2010-07-28T18:29:00.002+08:00

We all got somebody to love
Don't got alot of faith in the above
A little sunshine and please and thankyou alright
When its cold out, when its cold outside

Don't you forget what i need
A little inspiration gets me through where i've been
I've got an army escorting me on
So don't give me one more reason to

I trust in you and me to keep us up above
The dark clouds that are circling around sunshine

We all need somebody to love
To give a little and receive
Well it ain't so tough
And show me another road of mine that i haven't seen
I've got mine at home
And its waiting for me

Dreams.

2010-07-27T20:25:00.002+08:00

I had a really amazing dream yesterday, and i hope it comes true :)

singer/song-writer

worship leader

gynaecologist

wife

mother

God, please?

Tired.

2010-07-18T23:40:00.004+08:00

Now. i feel like i'm going through wilderness. i could do without the drama, i really could. i feel like every single thing is weighing me down, and i've been trying really hard to lift myself up but its not working and i'm getting tired. I ask myself why sometimes, and i really don't have an answer for myself. I feel lost and tired. i just want to get myself out of this period of trial. I'm tired, and i just can't carry on for much longer. Hmmshm, let it be. commons are soon, moving day is soon, i'm basically stressed out. and its killing me slowly.

On a sidenote, fi, please remind yourself daily not to eat so much.

i want ;)

Thee

2010-07-12T21:42:00.002+08:00

i wanna get married, i wanna choose my wedding cake, i wanna send out my wedding invitations, i wanna sample fod for my wedding, i wanna wear a white gown, i wanna walk down the aisle, i wanna find the one thats meant for me. doesn't everyone? i can't wait to get married. But i'm 14, so its a long wait. so for now, i'll just come down cloud 9 and descend to cloud 6 :) cloud 7 when i find that person i'm going to marry, cloud 8 when i'm engaged, cloud 9 on the day i get married and forever after. Probably people from school or people in my batch would think i'm crazy and stupid for thinking this way, but its my dream. and if you don't believe in what i believe in, then you're just missing out :) I'll look back, one day, and see how foolish i was to get into my little so called relationships, and laugh but i'll thank god for leading me back. So till the day that i get married! God will always be, my first love.

Wonderful Saviour

My heart belongs to thee

I will remember always

The blood you shed for me

Wonderful Saviour

My heart will know your worth

So i will embrace you always

As i walk this world

Be blessed, be loved, be lifted high

Be treasured here, be glorified

I owe my life to you oh Lord

Here i am

Beautiful Jesus

How may i bless your heart?

Knees to the earth i bow down to everything you are

Beautiful Jesus

You are my only worth

I will embrace you always

As i walk this earth.

A fat slut

2010-07-12T21:18:00.003+08:00

I FEEL SO DAMN FAT RIGHT NOW. i've gotta stop binge eating when i'm upset l: i feel so obeese, gah. plus taking height and weight today didn't help much. i wanna grow TALLER, not FATTER, UPWARDS, not SIDEWAYS. i feel like killing myself right now. plus my sister called me a slut, like wth, a freaking slut. plus some other person went to agree with it. do i look or dress like a slut huh! like seriously. no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no. i can't stand my face, or my body, or my looks or anything.

UGH, what on earth is happenning to me?! no idea, don't really wanna know either. i'm screwing everything up. @%&^*%*&$%^ ugh. i feel like a fat barbie, just then she has a nicer face. some plastic thing has a nicer face, like wts. and forget looks for awhile, lets look at school. whopeee, i suck at school too. my grades suck so bad, i have such bad memory, i can't study in advance cos i'll forget, i'm such a loser. its self-declared.

i always ask myself why life doesn't go the way i plan for it to, and i can never get an answer. everyday i face the same people, do the same things, feel the same way. like shit, what the hel am i doing with my life. i just wanna splash cold water on myself and say WAKE UP FROM YOUR BLOODY NIGHTMARE LA! and imma do that, trust me. God, please help.

Ugly.

2010-07-03T11:45:00.003+08:00

I keep asking myself what kind of life i want to live. and my heart tells me one thing, but my mind tells me another. Aye, i've many decisions to make, many things to set right in my life. Its hard, knowing that the right thing to do would bring you pain as well as other people, but its okay. On some days i look into the mirror and say "why do i look like that?", i question my personality and character and ask "why did i turn out like that?" Pshh. on somedays you wake up and you don't wanna leave the house cos you look horrible and you feel horrible. today's the day.

By your side.

2010-07-03T11:37:00.001+08:00

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

40

2010-07-01T20:51:00.002+08:00

Its been way too long since i've written here. Aye, i've been busy. It's been a really tough week at school, its just hard to adapt back into the normal routine of life, its difficult to focus and pay attention. school's not the best environment to be in, that i can be sure of. but be happy with what i have, yes, thats very true. school can't be perfect, i know :) I'm tired all the time, and i'm glad the week's coming to an end soon, its gonna be friday tomorrow! i would jump around the room and head bang to the music playing but i'm too exhausted to get my lazy bum off the chair.

Speaking about friday, i have two tests tomorrow, gnah. Pshh. I'm pretty annoyed right now, my phone won't send my message, and its a very important message cos that person is crying :'( Aye, i hope she's okay. Since monday, i've been getting annoyed really easily, and its annoying me that i'm so kinda sorta short-tempered and that i don't have the patience. I'm trying, i'm trying...

40 day fast started today, day no 1! Like finally, i likey ;) So i'm fasting from fb, coffee, chocolates, tv and i wanna do the don't eat for three days fast thing, i think i'll start on monday next week! i'm excited. but i'm giving up alot, coffee and chocolate= comfort food. But its all good, all for God ya. ^^

Commons are soon. yes, its the first week of school but i'm worrying about commons already. their in august, after the national day holidays, and i'm panicking inside cos thats about a month tops more. what to do! better start studying. all the teachers talk about how this applies to O levels and how O levels is soon and O levels has this and that and everything has to do with O levels that its freaking me out.

I'm really stressed, and i don't know how to cope anymore. With school, church, worship, band, work, tuition, qt and stuff. i don't wanna burn out. but i'm tired, and its really hard l: thats why i have so many pimples, cos i'm extremely stressed out all the time, even when i look like i'm not. HAHA, that sounds funny ya. i WILL pull through. All things pass, in a matter of time, its just how much faith you have that you'll survive. Boy i promise you i have lotsa lotsa faith ;)

Today, we did a presentation for LA on this community. So basically they aim for perfectionism so everything is pretty much controlled. They are christians, so to speak. But i was pretty disturbed when i was doing my research. Because yes, they get married but they are banned from having any bonding which particularly surprised me. And everyone sleeps with everyone and they say that its a way for them to be 'one' and to be in sameness. I WAS LIKE OH OH OH OH OH OH OH MY GOSH. it gives a very bad image to christians and why are they even called christians! but oh well, its over. it lasted only 30 years anyway, maybe god wasn't happy with them :P

I believe i'm worth the wait, and to whomever is reading this, you are too <3

WORLD CUP (Y)

2010-06-16T01:15:00.002+08:00

LETS GO BRAZIL!

kaka ;)

Hold on.

2010-06-13T20:38:00.002+08:00

WOAWZA

Both prefects camp and family camp was awesome! Learnt many many things in both, made new friends in both, bonded with loads of people in both, had plenty of fun in both, laughed till my stomach hurt and i started tearing in both and both made me treasure my relationships with people and God. Family camp was A M A Z I N G , really amazing. I must say it changed my perspective in seeing things, changed my attitude towards life, changed my heart condition towards God, changed my values in life and changed my mindset. I'm happy i see this kind of change in me, i feel more free and loved, really. Where i was in the past i don't ever want to be anymore, for that i am sure of. Its as if for the past 2 months i've been blind and i feel so so so guilty for all the bad naughty things i've done just to be a rebel, but whats in the past is in the past. I've many sitiuations to work out, to get my life back on track. But i thank God for everything. And i'm happy to be back in his arms again, not standing by the door watching him wait for me to take his hand and be with him but to actually have taken his hand and be in his embrace. This sudden change kind of scares me though, but i guess it shows one thing, that God is faithful :) Oh, and also that i can be really nice but really bitchy when you get on my not very pleasant side, heh. And i'm moving soon! But i'm having problems, cos i can't decide how i want to design my room, headache ah, GG. I WANNA HAVE A PRINCESS-Y ROOM (Y) be a kid again, ya? Then i'll live really close to my flasher-hamsuplou neighbour with gorgeous eyes ;) Last week of holidays already, time to chiong all my homework! Oh and on a sidenote, i think the YOG theme song is cool beans, the one with tabitha and sean kingston, woaza!

You?

2010-06-02T21:20:00.002+08:00

Everybody needs inspiration
Everybody needs a song
Beautiful melody, when the nights so long
Cause there is no guarantee
That this life is easy

When my world is falling apart,
when there is no light to break up the dark
That's when I look at you
When the waves are flooding the shore and I
can't find my way home anymore
That's when I look at you

When I look at you
I see forgiveness, I see the truth
You love me for who I am like the stars
hold the moon
Right there where they belong and I know
I'm not alone

When the waves are flooding the shore and I
can't find my way home anymore
That's when I look at you

You appear just like a dream to me
Just like kaleidoscope colors that cover me
All I need every breath that I breathe
Don't you know you're beautiful

You appear just like a dream to me.

"POK LA!"

2010-05-29T18:18:00.004+08:00

ROCS WAS FXCKING GOOD!

heh, yea it was ;) kinda sad its over ): but happy to be home, nonetheless! currently waiting for my photos to upload on fb and its taking so damn friggin long :S i think a quarter of the class fell sick during rocs, heh, but it was good still :D i love love love the long busrides, the late nights talking and watching movies, the amount of junkfood we ate and the many many packs of gum that we chewed :) we were supposed to reach school at 8 but we ended up reaching school at effing 11, no joke man, no joke. Mrs Lam wasn't really pleased with us, i think. but i thought that the teachers (except laoshi) were judgemental. I know we haven't been exactly a quiet class during lessons when Mrs Lam taught us but just because she has a grudge against us doesn't mean that they have to scold our class for doing things that we did not do. Oh well, life's unfair. And mrs lam thinks someone from our class wrote to the Principal and head of Science that she was not doing her job properly and all. But i honestly think that no one in our class would write that. We might be a fairly noisy class but we're definitely not notorious. and even if we think that any teacher has done us injustice we wouldn't take action and do this kinda whacko shit. So yes, i don't think she can just assume that someone from our class did it. BBBBBBUT, laoshi was so funny and nice during the trip. she baked brownies and made pizza with Tess and I :D So rocs was really amazing, i truly llllllllll-love my class :*

I just realised, that ITS THE FXCKING HOLIDAAAAAAAYS! yay! doesn't feel like it though. Loads of homework to do and studying to catch up with, aye. think i'm still gonna go out alot though, with friends and all, pppppparttttty! can't wait, xx. shopping and more shopping and partying and more partying and whooooooooooo. On a sad and horrible note, family camp is coming >:C damn, i have to go. i hope it'll be good though, and i think my dad's hoping that it'll make me love church again and regain my passion for god and whatever. Oh well, i'll just let nature take its course. Not like i can do anything about it. Hehe, gonna get the MAC studio fix foundation, yipee doodles :D i hope my dad would pay for it, hurhur. Going for dinner now, om nom nom.

Yoghu

2010-05-21T23:31:00.002+08:00

I don't know how many times i have to say i don't have a boyfriend -.- but whatever. i suddenly don't feel excited for ROCs, shit son. i don't wanna go anymore, ugh. looked at the daily activities and its so restricted, pshh. Oh well, at least the nights would be fun, can't wait for jell-o making! :D whipped creaaaaaaaam O: fats fats fats. i'm tired, gonna head to bed soon, after i finish with the proposal and when my photo's are uploaded onto fb :) i have the oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah hey song stuck in my head :S School was VERY FUN, had the time of my life :P super slack day, barely studied. but ms tham didn't come ): so we couldn't have music, bleagh. have to wait a month for the next music lesson ): then we can all sing "button we must wander, wander, wander."

"My aim in life is to save enough money to go for lyposuction."

ugh

2010-05-20T22:11:00.002+08:00

I wish I was

skinny l:

Shit.

2010-05-20T20:16:00.003+08:00

I FUCKING SCREWED UP, GOD DAMNIT.

i screwed up the one friendship that i treasured hell alot. oh my god, how stupid can i get. i feel like such an idiot. i feel like such a failure, as a friend. i was supposed to bring joy, not hurt. i was supposed to include, not exclude. i was supposed to be there for her, not away from her. i'm such an ass.

▲▲▲

2010-05-18T22:12:00.003+08:00

My hand really hurts alot. i can't even type, or cup my left hand, or hold a cup l: Ugh, hurts so bad ): it better get better before rocs. homework pile is stacking up really fast, noooooo. i think i need to start on my holiday homework or i'll just procrastinate and not do it till the day before school starts which is BAD. Aye, not that i can do anything about it. icing it won't help. can't wait till i'm 18 so i can go club, omg, 4 more years ):

Oh and, thanks Kai, for the band, allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll my love ♥

2010-05-18T21:28:00.002+08:00

I had a dream I fell behind a hidden wall
Began to see a world through new eyes
I can't wake up I don't really want to figure out
What it means to rush right through this life

Upside-down on a ceiling floor
I don't think I'll be coming back for more
Running blind into what I see
Not afraid to set it free
That's just the way it should be

When will the sky fall beneath us?
Will we make sense of it all?
I'm going through things in my mind
We just hide behind
And I'm not the only one

I took a turn and got stuck inside
This played out scheme
A revolution underneath your blue sky
I'm underground so come around and upside down
We will try
To look beyond ourselves so we both can survive

Flashback dropping in a state of bliss
Hooked up wishing but it doesn't really exist
I won't die in a dream that's dead
I'd rather take in the head
That's just the way it should be

Well I don't know
Upside down on a ceiling floor
I know that I'll be coming back for more
I filter out through a faded screen
A Universe so obscene
Tell me now when it's time to cut free
We'd better start living better take another leap

Dory.

2010-05-17T19:47:00.002+08:00

my dad reads my blog, ugh l: whatever, don't care already, so HI DAD. i've been having this obsession with pictures of cartoons lately, and i've been thinking and looking forward to the day when i can get a blackberry! with a nice cover, maybe a hot pink one, heh :D my phone is like screwed :S it keeps on switching off on its own, and its so effing annoying cos i have to keep switching it back on and it takes daaaaaaaaaamn long cos its so laggy, no shit man. and it PMS-es me, the battery goes from 5% at one point to a whoppping 80% without even charging, damn my phone is so moody. Pshh, whatev.

Recess tmrw with kai! omg, awesome shiz, yay, i finally get to talk to her again :D i'll probably go back to school a couple of times during the holidays to talk to her, or else there'll be awkward silence, which is a definite NO NO. i realised i haven't blogged in quite a long time, oh well.

Sleptover at Eunice's on friday night, out with Ron on saturday after school, lunch with my darling sisters on sunday followed by rockband at Jo's house with duard and eug. jo has a really cute dog with a really queer name, christmas. but its really naughty, kept biting my jeans and my top :S its forgiven though, cos it looks like a fluff of brown curly fur :D toy poodles for the win baby ;)

Can't wait to sleepover at Eunice's again. its amazing how she understands me so much, and how much she can relate to what i'm going through all the time. Oh well, love love. you know what? guess ;) ROCS IS IN 1 WEEK! :) homg, i can't wait, i'm rooming with Tess :) talking about rocs, sof didn't come to school today ): missed her. she's coming tomorrow though, yay! OH CRAP, there's ting xie tmrw, and i haven't even started, buhbye :)

look at it, sweeeeeeeet :)

Wants.

2010-05-17T19:32:00.000+08:00

Think of a car driving through the night. The headlights only go a hundred or two hundred feet forward, and you can make it all the way from California to New York driving through the dark, because all you have to see is the next two hundred feet. And that's how life tends to unfold before us. If we just trust that the next two hundred feet will unfold after that, and the next two hundred feet will unfold after that, your life will keep unfolding. And it will eventually get you to the destination of whatever it is you truly want, because you want it.

Fail.

2010-05-13T21:04:00.002+08:00

The feeling of disappointment. i don't even know where to begin. i'm upset, with myself. for the way i've been handling things, for not geting the marks that i wanted, for letting things turn out to be like that. i realised that the common test period is fine, its the getting them back thats demoralising. i studied so hard and still, aye, nevermind. and i know my dad would go "can't you try harder and put in more effort?" i really don't know what to say to him.

I'm so demoralized and i just don't want to continue trying anymore. i studied my ass off for commons and this is the kind of results that i get l: school's really driving me crazy. but on a happier note, ROCS IS IN ELEVEN DAYS! *runs around jumping* heh, imma have lots and lots of fun no matter what happens. I have the tendency to put my foot in my mouth,
wear my heart on my sleeve, turn a blind eye to things I don't want to believe.

For you.

2010-05-12T22:38:00.002+08:00

2010-05-12T22:32:00.001+08:00

shit, i miss chenda and kimloun and srey pek and everyone )':

Mae.

2010-05-12T21:39:00.002+08:00

Hey you,
its been a year, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8760 hours, 525600 minutes and 32054400 seconds. Time has been passing quickly, but today it kind of slowed down. i hope you're having fun up there, i know everything's okay up there. you're definitely missed by many people, i can vow to that. life kind of changed when you weren't here, but its okay, there's a reason behind everything and i'm sure you had one, and i love you for whatever reason that might be. I miss you, alot. and i kind of wish you could come back. in any case, i can imagine your wide smile sprawled over your face with your signature 'curry puff' hair looking down onto earth, and because of that we'll keep moving on.

Searching around to flee the reality of life
No one is safe from their fate no matter how they try
Embracing unkind, open your eyes, to see reality
That one day you'll have to realize
Day after day we head our normal lives
Possessing a mind with love of you
Softly mourning, inside our heads, bemused of mind
the truth intertwined, with understanding tears

Over,

2010-05-11T20:39:00.003+08:00

Commons are finally over :) i know i'm supposed to feel happy, have a wave of relief rush over me, but i don't. doesn't even seem as if commons are over, or that they'ver even started. i can't believe i'm saying this, but i would like commons to last forever. unbelievable huh? i guess studying takes my mind off things that are not very pleasant to think about. oh well, what comes comes and what go's go's. but now that they are finally over, its time to go out with people that have been waiting to go out with me, like kita and ben ;) icecream datez for the win, baby :D

I'm not looking forward to getting my papers back l: getting chinese back tmrw, laoshi said it wasn't very well done, i'm worried l: but on a happier note we totally changed our seating arrangements today. now i'm next to darlyn and nichole, wanted to sit with tess but i guess she wanted to sit with cheng so okay :) i'm looking forward to ROCs, full of singing, laughing, playing, having fun and bonding. and its in approzimately 2 weeks! O:

I want to sleepover at Ron's house ): miss hanging out with her, can't wait for our lunch date this sunday ;) went to talk to kai during recess today ♥ talked about, everything. and i can't wait till next tuesday cos i'll get to talk to her properly again, fav. senior, forever and always :)

Eh, OMG TODAY IS THE LAST EPISODE OF THE HONG BAI THINGUM, IMMA GO WATCH! TAHTAH :*

Hello

2010-05-10T20:39:00.003+08:00

I've been alone with you
Inside my mind
And in my dreams I've kissed your lips
A thousand times
I sometimes see you
Pass outside my door
Hello
Is it me you're looking for?
I can see it in your eyes
I can see it in your smile
You're all I've ever wanted
And my arms are open wide
cause you know just what to say
And you know just what to do
And I want to tell you so much
I love you

I long to see the sunlight in your hair
And tell you time and time again
How much I care
Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow
Hello
I've just got to let you know
cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely?
Or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying I love you

No?

2010-05-10T20:30:00.001+08:00

Sometimes when people decide to leave you, you have to let them no matter how much you don’t want them to. There are some things that are far beyond our control. Even if you have the strength to fight for them, you have to accept the cold harsh truth- the people that you can’t live without, can live without you.